2016 Transgender Day of Remembrance – Guest Blog by Elaine Martin

The Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, November 20, started in 1999, about a year after Rita Hester, a transgender woman and activist in Boston, was found murdered in her own apartment.

The Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance, November 20, started in 1999, about a year after Rita Hester, a transgender woman and activist in Boston, was found murdered in her own apartment.

I have cried enough at TDOR memorials. The Transgender Day of Remembrance, or TDOR, as it is often called, is an annual memorial ceremony held on November 20th for transgender people who have lost their lives to violence in the prior year. Most major cities have TDOR memorials that occur at sundown, or later, so that the memorial candles can burn in the darkness. There is no formal protocol for this memorial which is fitting to the diverse ways in which Transgender people lead their lives. However, a benediction and “the reading of the victims’ names” is most common to all. Most often, the dreadful methods by which they lost their lives is mentioned as well. These are read by the assemblers as they progress around a circle.

If you are Jewish and have visited the US Holocaust Museum, or if you are Black and have visited the new National Museum of African American History and Culture, or a Veteran at the Arlington National Cemetery or many other museums that memorialize the persecution or loss of lives by people just like you, then you have some sense of the emotions at TDOR memorial ceremonies.

The 2012 Transgender Day of Remembrance held at the Old State Capitol Building in Raleigh

The 2012 Transgender Day of Remembrance held at the Old State Capitol Building in Raleigh

At first, you just listen. The setting is somber. It’s a memorial after all. But, ever so slowly you begin to shiver in the dark. Your sense of the victims’ struggling in futility to survive, their hopelessness at being overwhelmed by their vicious attacker, their knowledge that they were losing their lives, wells up and overcomes you. These are your sisters, brothers and everybody in-between. All gender non-conforming people who did nothing more than live their lives as best they could, just as you do. And, then the emotion breaks through. Your cheeks are wet, and you are sobbing. Your tummy is tight and you look around the circle and see parents, allies, and families who have assembled in remembrance of the losses they have personally experienced. They are sobbing too. And, so, there is a sense of comradery in sharing the grief that is at the same time comforting and disturbing that we must experience this together.

Yes, I realize that there are all kinds of victims of all types of violent crime. But, these are people just like me; victims of a crime targeted out of fear, bigotry, and prejudice. These are crimes and victims known by very few that rarely are solved, leaving murders on the streets to victimize people, just like me, again.

I have cried enough at TDOR memorials.

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Elaine Martin is a transgender activist / speaker, a former board chair of EqualityNC, retired banking executive, and former business owner who has joined Total Engagement Consulting by Kimer to provide deep expertise around organizational transgender diversity and transitioning employee coaching. She can be contacted at [email protected]

A superb transgender awareness keynote from Janet Mock

Janet Mock, 2016 NC State SHRM Conference Keynote Speaker (photo from NC SHRM Conference website)

Janet Mock, 2016 NC State SHRM Conference Keynote Speaker (photo from NC SHRM Conference website)

As a diversity consultant with a deep expertise in LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) diversity, I have often heard of young transgender activist and media superstar Janet Mock, but had never seen her. Therefore, I was thrilled with our North Carolina SHRM (Society of Human Resource Management) Conference planning committee scheduling Janet as this year’s North Carolina kickoff keynote speaker. And the timing is perfect as more transgender people are visible in our work places and as North Carolina continues to struggle with the negative impacts of our horrific anti-trans, anti-gay HB2 bill. (see my recent blog on the five impacts of HB2 on our state.)

Janet’s talk and her gracious telling of her personal story truly helped raise the awareness of what transgender lives are really about. I heard so many attendees exclaim that they were so moved and learned so much from Janet’s keynote. Particularly poignant was her vulnerability in sharing her personal story, including how she totally lived as a woman in graduate school and early career before even disclosing she was transgender.

Some of Janet’s key points included:

• That HR professionals need to take the lead in embracing the differences of others, building coalitions across differences, building a culture where differences are valued … this can be a huge strategic business advantage.

• In our ever increasing multi-cultural world, being different is becoming “the new normal.” More people are embracing their difference instead of minimizing their differences to blend in.

• As a black, female, native-Hawaiian transgender millenial, Janet shared that she cannot fit into “one box” as which often happens with identifying someone’s diversity. Many people now incorporate several aspects of diversity and difference.

• Transgender individuals often have very difficult lives as they are thrown out of their homes and end up unemployed on the streets and in prison.

• Issues are so often not addressed because we are afraid of difference. Instead we should ask “who is not in the room” and create a space where there can be open dialogue among a diverse set up people.

• HR professionals should invest time in reading about and learning about people living in their “other-ness.”

I join many others in thanking Janet for making her first trip to North Carolina during a time when our state laws are unwelcoming to and creating a hostile environment for transgender people.

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From the NC State SHRM conference website with lots of links: Janet Mock is the New York Times bestselling author of Redefining Realness and the host of So POPular! — a weekly MSNBC digital series about culture. One of Oprah’s “Supersoul 100,” she is a sought-after speaker and the founder of #GirlsLikeUs, a social media project that empowers trans women. Since 2011, she’s become one of the most influential trans women and millennial leaders in media.

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Take my 12-question organizational transgender awareness self-assessment to gauge how trans-inclusive your organization is.