Kristan Van Der Meer and me enjoying a drink in the Bahamas
In early November, I went on a Caribbean cruise with about 40 colleagues associated with an Austin-based retreat center called “Sanctuary in the Woods.” My long time friend Barb Crabtree picked me up when I flew into Houston’s Hobby airport, and she had another friend with her, Kristan Van Der Meer. Kristan consults in a similar field as I (her focus is leadership and communications which admittedly includes diversity aspects) and we immediately hit if off.
Kristan is of a different generation than I, and it was great that I learned some new and cool things from her. In addition to enjoying touring, drinking and miniature golfing, we also enjoyed some professional discussions.
LESSON 1: The week of the cruise was the US Presidential Election week, so of course that was a large topic of discussion. Kristan highlighted the nuances of how men and women running for elected office are referenced – often referring to the Trump vs. Kamala race. Interestingly enough, Trump is referred to by his last name whereas Ms. Harris if often referred to as Kamala. As a sign of equity and respect, we really should be referring to Trump vs. Harris.
LESSON 2: Even as diversity and leadership practitioners, we can often use slang which has a historic background around oppression or prejudice. I shared about a time I was facilitating a training and talked about how driven I can sometimes be and that I like to “crack the whip.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized this could be offensive to those who dealt with a past heritage of being enslaved people.
Kristan also shared her example with me… early in her career she used the euphemism “calling a spade a spade” and then was quickly and politely educated by an African American manager. NOTE: the use of the word “spade” was starting to be used as an ethnic slur against African Americans in the late 1920s.
Kristan in her smart golfing outfit during our group’s miniature golf tournament (which Kristan and my team won!)
LESSON 3: Kristan also shared the struggles that professional women often face, especially when it comes to dress. Professional men have a wide range of latitude in dress and are not often judged on the clothing, whereas women often have to walk a narrow path between not being too feminized and appearing too masculine. She also shared that in professional outings with male colleagues on the golf course, she has to assure that her outfit was appropriately professional and sporty.
As a male ally, it is important to realize the systemic sexism that women have long had to face in the male dominated business world, and to do all I can to support respect and equity for women in the workplace.
Do check out Kristan’s website https://kvdmconsulting.com and learn more about her services.
