Tag Archives: sexual preference

Seven “Trigger Words” against the LGBTQ+ Community

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Using “trigger words” with LGBTQ+ people is like hurling a grenade at them.

What is a trigger word? A trigger word, also known as a power word, is a word or phrase that evokes a certain emotion in the reader.

Trigger words can be either positive or negative. Examples of positive trigger words are:
• Free: everyone loves free stuff
• Amazing: especially if someone uses it in reference to you
• Everyone: makes you want to join the crowd.

And trigger words can also be negative, such as never, cruel, dangerous, prohibited …

Recently after performing my “Totally Gay” figure skating program (link to the 2 minute video) at a competition, an irate woman came up to me to tell me that she was offended with me shoving my agenda down her throat. Yep, she did it, used one of the stereotypical negative trigger words that are offensive to the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Plus) community.

Here is my list of seven negative anti-LGBTQ trigger words and phrases:

1) The one used by this irate woman … referring to my celebrating being a gay man as “my agenda.” Just being myself in not an agenda.

2) Referring to my being queer as “my lifestyle.” This is not my lifestyle, it is who I am. A person’s sexual orientation or gender identity is an inherit characteristic of a person like race and ethnicity. If you want to discuss lifestyle, then maybe watch old reruns of “The Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.”  I thank Susie Silver of The Diversity Movement for providing this analogy.

3) Using the label “sexual preference” instead of sexual orientation. Sexual preference is often used by the far right to make the point that someone prefers to be gay or chooses to be gay. The medical and psychological scientific fields are practically unanimous in their findings that sexual orientation in an inherit characteristic; as Lady Gaga sang, “I was born this way.”

4) Using the language “normal man” / “normal woman” or “real man” / “real woman” to refer to someone who is not transgender, e.g cisgender. Nothing can be more insulting to transpeople than implying they are not real women nor men. Transwomen and transmen are real women and men legally and in all senses of the word.

5) Accusing queer people of demanding “special rights.” We never have asked for special rights; we want equal rights. As a tax paying American citizen, I deserve the same rights as straight cisgender Americans; the right to marry, the right to employment nondiscrimination, etc. Do read my sarcastic blog about what LGBTQ special rights would really entail.

The updated “Progress Flag” recognizes the transgender people and people of color in the LGBTQ+ community.

6) Referring to LGBTQ+ people as sick or abnormal. The great diversity of the human family is something special that should be celebrated, and the wide range of sexual orientations and gender identities are a part of the normality of the diverse human race.

7) Equating gay with pedophilia. That same irate woman even asserted that the colors on the new progress flag (updated version of the pride flag that recognizes transpeople and LGBTQ+ people of color) celebrated pedophilia. This came from a horrific and disgusting false news story this past June on Fox News.

Please be careful to avoid these trigger words and phrases, and also please be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community by speaking out when you hear others use them.

Diversity, Inclusion and the “Naïve Offender”

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It is very easy in today’s complex multi-cultural world to inadvertently offend someone. (graphic from wikiHow)

When I hold a diversity and inclusion workshop with a client, early in the discussion, I ask people to think about where they may be on the “diversity spectrum” when considering this subject. I assert that people generally fall into four categories. Where are you?

• Change Agent. These are the leaders on the diversity subject. They are full vocal supporters of diversity and inclusion, and are often the leaders within their organizations on this subject. They may teach workshops, are not afraid to initiate discussions with other leaders and employees, and are adroit at articulating the business case and value of diversity.

• Active Supporter. These people “get it.” They understand the value and importance of diversity and inclusion and seek to grow in their knowledge. They take steps in their daily work to assure diversity and inclusion is a component.

Hopefully we can all aspire to be change agents or at least active supporters in terms of diversity and inclusion (photo from Plays-In-Business.com)

• Neutral. These are people who most likely have not given the subject much thought, and simply go along with the flow in their areas. Often, they may not have been educated on this subject.

• Deliberate Offender. These are people who can do quite a bit a damage within an organization. They are anti-diversity and often ostracize or criticize diverse groups or constituencies within the enterprise. They may even go as far as to spread false information and fear about others.

But in addition, there is a fifth category where even those of us who are change agents and active supporters may find ourselves from time to time – the naïve offender.

What is a naïve offender? This is a person, who on occasion, unintentionally makes an error or a misstep in terms of some aspect of diversity. Often a person may even have good intentions, but accidentally say something offensive to someone else. Frequently these missteps simply come from a lack of knowledge.

What are some examples of a naïve offender?

• Using a word or phrase that is offensive to the hearer. For example referring to sexual orientation as “sexual preference,” which is used by those people trying to perpetrate that gay people chose to be gay and can change, or an older white man, who calls all younger men “boy” addressing an African-American man as “boy,” which conjures up cultural references to slavery.

• Saying something in jest which can offend certain hearers. Examples could be taking about how you are going to party it up and drink tequila and eat tacos to celebrate Cinqo De Mayo, or making reference to nooses or chains with African Americans.

• Speaking more loudly and raising your voice to someone who does not speak English fluidly. Simply slowing down and avoiding complicated words and idioms would be helpful instead.

• Treating all Hispanics or Asians as collective groups and not appreciate that Latin America and Asia are comprised of dozens of countries with their own distinct culture.

• Unknowingly referring to a transgender person or a gender fluid person by the wrong pronoun.

Even as a diversity trainer, I make mistakes as a naïve offender. I was presenting some material that was 3-4 years old using the terms “hearing-impaired” and “sight-impaired” when those communities now prefer using the words deaf or blind. The word impaired connotes that someone has a fault or is not capable.

What should you do if someone “naively” offends you? I would think that based upon your past relationship with someone and their body language and tone of voice, you can discern if the person is making an honest mistake or is truly belligerent, e.g. a deliberate offender. If you sense the person is a naïve offender, turn it into a learning moment and graciously point out their error. Lashing out at the person or ostracizing them will not be helpful to them, nor your community.

And what are some hints and tips for the naïve offender? How can you continually improve in this area?

• When you make a misstep and realize it, immediately and sincerely apologize.
• When someone points out a diversity mistake that you made, thank them for pointing it out.
• Continue to educate yourself about diverse communities you interact with, especially those you may be less familiar with.
• Think of ways where you can grow more as an active supporter or change agent of diversity and inclusion.

May we all be gracious and continue to grow in building a world where all diversity is fully understood, respected and included.

The below closing graphic illustrates these categories of people in regards to diversity and inclusion, along with another graphic sharing that effective diversity and inclusion training needs to incorporate the mind (business logic), the heart and taking action. Read my other blog about these components of diversity and inclusion training.