Seven Key Communications Tips While Still Being Yourself

Respectful communications in diverse settings is now becoming even more critical

In the October 6-12, 2023 Triangle Business Journal “View Point” column, Communications coach and speaker Karen Friedman provided her article “Here’s Why Women Should Not Talk Like Men.” Karen starts the article by addressing the question she often gets about how to get women to communicate more like men. She replies by sharing that people should not aspire to communicate like someone they’re not.

She shares research on how and why women communicate differently than men, but them closes the article with seven key tips to help everyone develop strong communicate skills without compromising who they are. So I will share her seven and add some of my own comments. Here they are:

Effective listening is certainly one of the top communication skills.

1) Listening. Listen without interrupting the person, let them finish their thought or idea. And listen with 100% concentration and don’t be formulating your response while they are talking.  See my earlier blog on listening skills for leaders.

2) Empathy. Sit in your listeners’ seat to try and understand where they are coming from. This is a part of the key inclusive leadership skills of cultural intelligence – knowing that not everyone views the world through the same lens and experiences that you do.

3) Ask questions. This shows that you are truly listening, are engaged and want to know more. Most people appreciate asking them questions as a way of showing interest. And never ask questions in any accusatory tone, but instead out of a sincere desire to learn more.

4) Hit the headline. Attention spans are dwindling, so quickly get to the point without talking in circles or rambling with unnecessary or unrelated details. This is especially important when those of us in the older generations (Baby Boomers and Gen X) are communicating with the younger generations (Millennials and Gen Z.) The younger generation grew up with quick sharp communications and short sound bytes.

5) Clarity. Avoid complicated language that can confuse listeners. It is very important to understand your audience and their expertise in what you are sharing. What is important to them? And especially in communicating with multi-national audiences, slow down your cadence and avoid the use the slang terms and idioms.

6) Tone. A respectful but confident tone can impact how your message is received. The opposite of this would include tones of condescension, aggression, and whining / complaining negativity.

7) Culture. This key one goes across all the other six skills since cultural differences certainly impact all areas of how people communicate and receive communication from others.

I fully agree with one of Karen’s closing points that a strong communicator transcends gender, and I will also add that it can transcend cultures and generations too.

Breakfast with Governor Roy Cooper – Part 2 of 2: Diversity and LGBT

North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper speaking at the April 6th Triangle Business Journal “Power Breakfast.” (PHOTO: Triangle Business Journal)

The Triangle Business Journal, the very well-read and respected business weekly newspaper for the Raleigh / Durham / Chapel Hill area of North Carolina holds a quarterly “Power Breakfast” featuring an area senior leader with a few hundred local business leaders. The Spring 2017 breakfast held April 6, 2017 featured the newly elected NC Governor Roy Cooper. Governor Cooper is quite unique as he was the first challenger to defeat a sitting governor in our state since 1850!

Part 1 of this blog (link) provides a general overview of Governor Cooper’s remarks. And since I am a diversity and career development consultant with a deep expertise in the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) workplace and marketplace, this entry will expand on how the Governor addressed diversity and more specifically HB2 and the LGBT community.

Much of the focus was on the unpopular HB2 law passed last Spring which dictated the bathroom transgender people need to use in public venues, curtailed the ability of cities and counties to pass their own non-discrimination ordinances, and more. A few days before the breakfast, a compromise repeal of HB2 was passed and signed by the Governor, which removed the transgender bathroom usage provision, but disallows cities and municipalities from adding anti-discrimination protections for LGBT people before 2020. (Link to my most recent blog about HB2 and to my letter to the Raleigh News and Observer about the inadequacy of the compromise bill.)

NC’s unpopular HB2 law, a subject of protests all over the state, was a major part of Governor Cooper’s remarks. (Photos courtesy of the Charlotte and Raleigh News and Observer)

Here are the points that Governor Cooper made about diversity in general and more specifically about HB2 and the LGBT community in both his remarks and during the Question and Answer portion.

• Within 30 seconds of taking the stage, Governor Cooper started that he loves his state of North Carolina with its diverse mix of people of different genders, races and sexual orientations; that diversity is all over our state, and “that we need to encourage diversity at every step.”

• The most recent compromise bill repealing parts of HB2 is only initial first step. HB2 was very bad for our LGBT citizens, our state and our economy.

• Governor Cooper voiced his strong commitment to fight for statewide protections for LGBT citizens of North Carolina.

• We need to send a signal to our LGBT citizens and to other states that North Carolina is headed in the right direction in terms of LGBT inclusion.

• The business community needs to continue to take the lead in working on equality for the LGBT community.

• We need to be a more diverse state and include protections especially for the more vulnerable of our citizens. We need more comprehensive state non-discrimination policies; meanwhile we should keep our eyes on the Federal courts which could help shape this issue.

• When asked if he would considering issuing an executive order similar to Virginia Governor McAuliffe’s adding the LGBT non-discrimination protects requirement to do business with the Commonwealth of Virginia (see blog about this), Governor Cooper responded positively that he plans to use the executive order broadly and is working on proposals within the LGBT area and other unaddressed groups. (See latest Triangle Business Journal article about this point.)

I am heartened by Governor Cooper’s strong statement of support for LGBT Equality, and though I feel the recent HB2 removal compromise was a very weak first initial step, I would like to support Governor Cooper and provide him any encouragement and assistance to make North Carolina fully inclusive and welcoming of ALL people in 2017.