Tag Archives: gender identity

Five things never to say to transgender people

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Many thanks to two local gracious trans-knowledgeable people Rebecca Chapin and Elaine Martin for their review and suggestions on this blog.

In recognition of November 20th being the annual “Transgender Day of Remembrance” I am publishing this blog called “Five things never to say (or ask of) transgender people.” A few years ago I wrote “Five things to not say to gay people” which was my first blog to ever get over 100 hits, which motivated me to add this new installment.

Transgender woman Laverne Cox made history by being the first transgender person on the cover of Time Magazine (May, 2014)

Transgender woman Laverne Cox made history by being the first transgender person on the cover of Time Magazine (May, 2014)


For those of you in North Carolina, here is a link to our local Transgender Day of Remembrance activities.

Transgender people are getting much more visibility and recognition today as evidenced by the cover story in the June 9th issue of Time Magazine titled “The Transgender Tipping Point – America’s Next Civil Right’s Frontier.”

In addition to my five listed below, check out this humorous yet very educational YouTube video from Calperia Adams titled “Bad Questions.” (link)

1) Do you have a penis or vagina? Or “when did you have the surgery?” Not all gender variant people are able to afford, wish to have, nor are moving in the direction of surgery. This question perpetuates the mentality that all trans people are physically transitioning and that genitals are the ultimate decider of a person’s gender. Plus you normally do not ask other people about their private parts … they are called private parts for a reason.

2) Calling the person by the wrong pronoun. Or also asking “what is your real name?” When a transgender person is dressed in women’s clothes and presenting as a female, she probably wants to be referred to as “she” and if presenting as a male in male clothes, addressed as “he.” If you are in doubt, respectfully ask the person what gender and preferred name they would like used in addressing them.

Transgender man Chas Bono, child of iconic pop singers Sonny and Cher, brought great visibility to the transgender community when he appeared on "Dancing with the Stars."

Transgender man Chas Bono, child of iconic pop singers Sonny and Cher, brought great visibility to the transgender community when he appeared on “Dancing with the Stars.”


3) Asking “when did you decide to become transgender?” or “when did you choose to be a transgender person?” Like sexual orientation, gender identity is not a choice, it is the way a person was born. Most transgender people have identified internally in their hearts their desired and honest gender since early childhood.

4) Asking “Are you straight or gay? Do you like men or women?” Normally, you do not ask a casual acquaintance if they are gay, straight or bi, so why ask a transgender person? People will disclose their sexual orientation when they want to in the context of a growing friendship. It is also important to keep in mind that sexual orientation (who you are attracted to) and gender identity (who you feel you are deep down inside) are two very different aspects of a person.

5) Being sexually intrigued by them and asking them to participate in kinky games with you. That totally dehumanizes a transgender person and basically turns them into a “curiosity” for you instead of respecting them as full normal human beings who deserve the same respect as everyone else (if not more respect for some of the issues they have had to deal with.)

Please take the time to research this important community, get to know transgender people as people, and please be an active ally for transgender people advocating for full equal rights and respect.

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FYI with photo above – link to Laverne Cox’s interview with Time Magazine on the Transgender Movement

Transgender in the Work Place – and announcing a great conference in August

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Transgender is an umbrella term for the spectrum of people whose gender identity or expression does not conform to society’s expectations of male and female. In some cases, gender expression takes the form of clothing, hair style, voice and body characteristics. In other cases, we are taking about gender identity, which is the way a person feels internally about who they really are. This means there are people who may have been born as physical males, but deep down inside they feel they are female. And there are people who may been born as physical females, but deep down inside believe they are truly male. This is an oversimplification since there are wide ranges of possibilities. The most current highly visible transgender person is Chaz Bono, formerly Chastity Bono, now the son of Sonny and Cher.

“Left Hander in London” is an excellent new book explaining many aspects of the transgender life. More information at end of blog.

So what does this mean for the workplace? With more visibility given to transgender people, more people desire to go through the gender transition process while remaining in their jobs. Instead of moving to a far away city and starting life all over again, many transgender people now want to continue in the community and company where they have their network of friends and have built professional expertise. And it makes sense that a company would want to support such employees and retain this important talent. As an employee transitions from male to female, or female to male, they still retain the those skills and company knowledge that make them a valuable employee.

A short blog does not provide the space to go through the policies and procedures that companies can execute to support gender transitioning employees. But there is a great opportunity later this summer for you, your company or enterprise to gain this valuable knowledge. The SouthEastern Transgender Health Summit (Tagline: Providing Access, Promoting Wellness) will be held in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina in Asheville August 23-25, 2012. Though the primary audience for this event is healthcare providers including physicians, nurses, psychologists and other mental health professionals, a special track has been designed for human resource professionals and business leaders, valuable for everyone including those not in the health field. The overarching goal of this conference is to increase the awareness of need, and to improve the quality and accessibility of culturally competent care for those who identify as transgender. Link here for more information and to register for this summit. I will be a presenter and panelist as well as having a display booth all weekend.

Additional Resources:
• Left-Hander in London: A Field Guide to Transgenders, Lesbians, Gays and Bisexuals. This newly published book is written by JJ Gufredo, a successful transgender business owner and process consultant. Click here for more information and to order this informative and inspirational book.
• Link to an excellent article on transgender employees in the magazine “Insight into Diversity” (pages 22-24). Magazine